Just For The Fun Of It. Jokes, Fun Surveys
And More To Bring A Smile To Your Day
Take a break, take some time to smile. We've categorized some jokes on this page. Click on a joke category in the list below and enjoy the jokes. Click on the Back To Joke List to get back to the top of this page. Then click on another category to enjoy more jokes. And go ahead and use the "SEND TO FRIEND" link above to share the jokes with friends.
Select A Joke Category Below
- Dumbwaiter: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
- Feedback: the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
- Full Name: what you call your child when you're mad at him.
- Grandparents: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
- Hearsay: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
- Independent: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
- Ow: the first word spoken by children with older siblings.
- Puddle: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into
- Show Off: a child who is more talented than yours
- Sterilize: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva.
- Top Bunk: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
- Two-Minute Warning: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
- Verbal: able to whine in words.
- Whodunit: none of the kids that live in your house
- “Never trust a dog to watch your food.” - Patrick, age 10
- “When your dad is mad and asks you, ‘Do I look stupid? Don’t answer.” - Hannah, age
- “Never tell your mom her diet’s not working.” - Michael, age 14
- “Stay away from prunes.” - Randy, age 9
- “Don’t pull dad’s finger when he tells you to.” - Emily, age 10
- “When your mom is mad at your dad, don’t let her brush your hair.” - Taylia, age 1
- “Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your
school assignment.” - Traci, age 14
- “A puppy always has bad breath - even after eating a Tic-Tac.” - Andrew, age 9
- “Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.” - Kyoyo, age 11
- “You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.” - Amir, age 9
- “Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.” - Kellie, age 11
- “Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick.” - Lauren, age 9
- “Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat.” - Joel, age 10
- My Mother taught me Logic..."If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."
- My Mother taught me Medicine..."If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way."
- My Mother taught me To Think Ahead..."If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"
- My Mother taught me ESP..."Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?"
- My Mother taught me To Meet A Challenge..."What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"
- My Mother taught me Humor..."When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
- My Mother taught me how to Become An Adult..."If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
- My mother taught me about Genetics..."You are just like your father!"
- My mother taught me about my Roots..."Do you think you were born in a barn?"
- My mother taught me about the Wisdom Of Age..."When you get to be my age, you will understand."
- My mother taught me about Anticipation..."Just wait until your father gets home."
- My mother taught me about Receiving..."You are going to get it when we get home."
- And, my all-time favorite - Justice..."One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU -- then you'll see what it's like!"
- It's more fun to color outside the lines.
- If you're gonna draw on the wall, do it behind the couch.
- Even Popeye didn't eat his spinach until he absolutely had to.
- If your dog doesn't like someone you probably shouldn't either.
- Even if you've been fishing for 3 hours and haven't gotten anything except poison ivy and sunburn, you're still better off than the worm.
- Sometimes you have to take the test before you've finished studying.
- If you want a kitten, start out asking for a horse.
- There is no good reason why clothes have to match.
- If the horse you're drawing looks more like a dog, make it a dog.
- Save a place in line for your friends.
- Just keep banging until someone opens the door.
- Making your bed is a waste of time.
- Make up the rules as you go along.
- It doesn't matter who started it.
- Ask for sprinkles.
- Hang on tight.
- Ask "why" until you understand.
- Everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.
- The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
- You feel like the morning after and you haven’t been anywhere.
- Your little black book contains only names that end in M.D.
- Your children begin to look middle aged.
- You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall.
- Your mind makes contracts your body can’t meet.
- You look forward to a dull evening.
- Your favorite part of the newspaper is “20 Years Ago Today.”
- You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.
- You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.
- Your knees buckle, and your belt won’t.
- You’re 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 95 around the golf course.
- Your back goes out more than you do.
- Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
- There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take the time to look. For example: I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
- One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
- Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due.
- The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of their tires.
- Families are like fudge....mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
- Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
- Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
- Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
- My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.
- If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
- It’s so dry here, the fish are knocking on the door, askin’ for a drink of water.
- He disappeared like a belch in a wind storm.
- It’s so good, it’d make a freight train take a dirt road!
- Well now! Don’t that just fry your tater?
- That steak’s so rare, a good vet could save it!
- That feller ain’t nothin’ but an appetite with skin drawn over it.
- When foxes pack the jury box, the chicken’s always guilty!
- That’s like tryin’ to sneak sunup past a rooster!
- Mad as a mule chewin’ bumblebees.
- He’s all vines, and no taters.
- He’ll never drown in his own sweat.
- It’s like tryin’ to poke a cat out from under the porch with a rope.
- His feet are so big, he has to put his britches on over his head.
- If you shake his hand, count your fingers.
- I think the butter’s slipped off your biscuit.
- You find yourself listening to talk radio.
- The pattern on your shorts and couch match.
- You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.
- You think tragically hip is when a middle-aged man gets a new sports car,
hair piece and a 20 year old girlfriend.
- You call the police on a noisy party next door instead of grabbing beer and joining it.
- You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have to work the next day.
- When jogging is something you do to your memory.
- All the cars behind you flash their headlights.
- You remember the “Rolling Stones” as a rock group not a corporation.
- You bought your first car for the same price you paid for your son’s new running shoes.
- You actually ASK for your father’s advice.
- You don’t know how to operate a fax machine.
- Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
- A day without sunshine is like, night.
- On the other hand, you have different fingers.
- I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
- You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted,
then used against you.
- I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges?
- Honk if you love peace and quiet.
- Remember, half the people you know are below average.
- Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- He who laughs last thinks slowest.
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
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